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Finding Yourself Beyond Labels: Celebrating the Authentic You

 

The true essence of who you are lies not in your labels or appearance, but in your unique collection of qualities that shine regardless of life's changing circumstances.

 

Let's take a moment to celebrate and honour who you are—the qualities and character traits that make you uniquely YOU.

Maybe you're committed, stubborn, strong, resilient, loving, trustworthy, funny, reliable, persistent, appreciative, or kind. When we're feeling down about ourselves, especially about our appearance or weight, it can be difficult to see these qualities. Instead, we focus on all the "negative" aspects and see no value within ourselves.

Defined By a Label?

Sometimes, we only see ourselves as labels.

Our identity can revolve around our relationships and jobs—labels that society gives us, or we give ourselves. "Mum," "sister," "dad," "teacher," "soldier," "fat," "skinny," "overweight," "plus-size"—it's easy to list our labels.

These labels come with a set of expectations and often stem from judgements—both external and internal. For many of us, labels related to our body size become particularly powerful, making us feel like our weight is our defining characteristic. Society frequently reduces people to their physical appearance, causing us to internalise these limited views of ourselves.

Our identity can also revolve around specific body parts: hair, breasts, stomach, thighs. If we lose any of these things or they change through weight gain, weight loss, or aging, we can feel a profound loss of identity and even spiral into a dark place.

But here's the beautiful truth: if we look at our qualities and traits, we can still have them no matter what label we are given or lose, and regardless of our weight or appearance. Does that make sense?

Understand and Accept That We Can Be in a Range

We can have traits from both ends of the spectrum and somewhere in between. Sometimes, there's a quality that we give externally to others, yet we don't give internally to ourselves. Loving and caring comes to mind, especially for those struggling with body image.

And we can develop positive quality and character traits through conscious effort. #PersonalGrowth

For me, it was interesting reflecting on this concept. Realising I can be on any part of a range has helped me have self-compassion.

My list includes:

• Motivated – unmotivated (Who sees themselves in this one! Sometimes we are totally motivated to take care of our health, and other times not so much)
• Reliable – unreliable (Are we always reliable? To ourselves or others? Do we keep promises to ourselves about self-care?)
• Honest – dishonest (Are we always honest with ourselves about our habits? Do we sometimes tell "white lies" about our eating or exercise?)
• Nonjudgmental – judgemental (Even if we think we're not judging others, are we harshly judging ourselves whenever we look in the mirror?)
• Kind – unkind (Overall, I see myself as kind, yet sometimes I've said or acted in a way that I later thought was unkind. How do we talk to our self about our body?)
• Beautiful – unattractive (Some days we feel confident, other days we only see flaws—but our value never changes)
• Resourceful – unresourceful (Sometimes I actively seek solutions, and other times I feel stuck or want someone else to do it for me)

Quality-Based Identity vs. Appearance-Based Identity

It's important to recognise that qualities like kindness, honesty, accepting, and committed can't be gained or lost with weight changes. These enduring qualities offer a more stable foundation for identity than appearance ever could.

When we define ourselves primarily by how we look or what we weigh, we place our self-worth on a foundation that naturally shifts throughout life. Our bodies change—that's part of being human. But our capacity for compassion, our sense of humour, our perseverance, and our wisdom can continue to grow regardless of our size or shape.

Your Invitation to Self-Discovery

Today I invite you to grab a notebook/journal to write in and think about the following:

• What are my qualities and character traits that have nothing to do with my appearance?
• Where do I have double standards? - Easily have a quality for others, yet not easily for myself (Do you compliment others but reject compliments? Appreciate others' bodies but criticize your own?)
• Who do I want to BE for ME, regardless of my weight or appearance?
• What values do I express through my actions that would remain unchanged regardless of my size?
• How would I describe myself to someone who couldn't see me?
• Where in the range of a particular quality do I want to improve?
• What skills/tools, if any, are needed to reach another part of the range?

Compassion for the Weight Struggle

It's important to acknowledge how difficult it is to separate self-worth from appearance in a culture obsessed with thinness and "perfect" bodies. If you're feeling unhappy with your body, know that this is a common experience—but it doesn't reflect your true value.

Consider reframing your health journey as an expression of qualities like commitment, self-aware, and determination rather than a pathway to worthiness. You are already worthy, exactly as you are.

Need Help Identifying Your Qualities?

If you're having trouble listing your qualities or traits:

• Ask your bestie what they love about you 💖 (You might be surprised to hear qualities that have nothing to do with your appearance!)
• Do an internet search "list of personal qualities/character traits" and you'll find lists to help get you started.

Remember, the people who truly love you see far beyond your physical appearance. They cherish your laugh, your generosity, your strength during difficult times, and countless other qualities that make you who you are.

Today, and every day, I celebrate the authentic YOU—not the labels, not the numbers on a scale, but the wonderfully complex person with a unique combination of qualities and traits that no one else in the world possesses in quite the same way.

What quality do you most appreciate about yourself today?